I want to be Larry David. Yes, that’s right, the annoying guy on HBO.
Sure, David is bald and schlubby. True, few people like him – and a lot of people downright can’t stand him. But it’s worth all that. And not because the “Seinfeld” co-creator is worth about a gazillion dollars (not that there’s anything wrong with that!)
I want to be Larry David, or at least the version of himself he plays on HBO’s “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” because David knows what’s important. This is a guy who torpedoes a big TV development deal because a network executive steals some shrimp out of David’s carry-out container and won’t own up to it. This is a guy who tries to foment a rebellion in his doctor’s office when he learns patients are seen according to when they sign in, not according to their scheduled appointment time. This is a guy who will put his head down when he sees an acquaintance on the street because he has no patience for “stop and chat” etiquette.
These may seem like small, or indeed twisted, examples of what’s important, but they’re the kind of things that can make a man into a hero for our time. David’s principles matter to him, and that means something these days – even if they’re sometimes loopy principles.
Perhaps the ultimate example of David’s surreal humanity came in the third-season finale of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” last November. David is enjoying a full house at the elegant Los Angeles restaurant he has just opened when the chef, a Tourette’s syndrome sufferer, suddenly erupts with an astonishing string of profanities. The restaurant falls silent – diners are frozen with looks of horror and shock on their faces.
This is the moment David has been waiting for his entire life. He springs into action – to save his chef’s honor, he one-ups the outburst with a roller coaster of his own curses. It’s a post-modern game! How very LA! Soon the entire restaurant is alive with the sound of expletives, and David couldn’t be happier. He has, in one fell swoop, combined his two favorite pastimes: being rude and doing the right thing.
Larry David might not like to stop and chat, but he does have a sense of personal and civic duty. He’s the kind of guy who yells “Watch out!” to a woman about to be hit by a car – to which the woman replies angrily, “Don’t tell me what to do!” David never emerges from these Good-Samaritan moments unscathed, which only justifies his belief that the world stinks and deserves his rudeness. Still, he optimistically expects the best from others.
In one episode, David returns to his car and discovers a flat tire. He quickly realizes he’s too incompetent to change it himself and begins begging passersby to give him a hand. He gets ignored, so he starts offering money to anyone who will stop and help him. When people continue to step over him or look away as they stride past, he begins announcing loudly that he will pay $10 simply “for a verbal response. Come on, $10 for a verbal response!”
He never gets it. There’s little doubt that David isn’t acting in scenes like this. “Curb” is largely unscripted, and much of the subject matter comes directly from his life. He may not have really tackled and climbed over a woman so that he could sign in first at the doctor’s office, but the instinct to do so is surely there. And not just for him – for all of us. That’s the secret of the Golden Globe-winning show’s success: David’s roaring id is wincingly relatable. When, for example, he gets in hot water for referring to his wife as Hitler (as in, “Larry, you want to go play some golf?” “I’ll have to ask Hitler.”), every husband who once ran his own life knows where he’s coming from.
The thing is, as rude and tactless as David is, he’s Everyman: rigorously principled in his own, insular way; outraged that the world doesn’t hew to his design.
“He insinuated that I was lying about my stepfather!” David fumes in one episode, explaining why he insulted an HBO executive after reneging on a commitment with the excuse that his stepfather has died.
“You don’t have a stepfather,” his wife reminds him.
“I know,” he sputters, “but I didn’t like the implication!”
Larry David must be brilliant – why else would anyone work with him? I want people to say the same about me some day.
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The first three seasons of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” are airing nightly on HBO-Comedy.
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Douglas Perry: dperrystar-telegram.com
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(c) 2003, Fort Worth Star-Telegram.
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AP-NY-06-02-03 1409EDT
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