Her shoulders twinge. Her back hurts. Her heart aches. Her purse is pretty much empty.
Diane Ross doesn’t complain much. That’s what “in sickness and in health” is all about. When her husband, Robert, needs a boost from his bed or wheelchair, the Lisbon Falls woman provides her muscles and little mumbling.
You can take what remains of Diane’s faith in people, however, squeeze it into a 2-by-3-inch cardboard box and bury it.
Presumably after sealing it shut with red tape.
“Everywhere I go for help, nobody seems to give a crap,” she said. “I’m really careful where I donate something now.”
Ross isn’t a lobbyist, licensed advocate or care worker. These days, though, she’s all three out of necessity.
Robert suffered a massive stroke in July. That, alone, would have turned his wife and two teenage children’s lives upside-down.
But it got worse. The 53-year-old veteran of the Army National Guard and Marine Corps landed on his left shoulder the day he collapsed, breaking a bone. The shoulder remains dislocated due to muscle atrophy from several weeks in a hospital bed.
Let’s not forget the life-saving tracheotomy. Or the brain surgery that was supposed to help reverse damage from the stroke. Or the two post-operative bouts with pneumonia and a blood infection. Or the lung that collapsed during a medical procedure.
“I’m just,” Diane said with a pensive pause, “worn out.”
Heartaches
Worn out from fighting. The family is covered by a major, national insurance provider, but the company has been slow to accept many of Robert’s hospital expenses and outpatient needs.
Worn out from writing. Spearheaded by her Diane’s sister, Sandy Von Allgeier of Lynn, Mass., the family has contacted almost every politician and news outlet with interest in their community.
And?
“You’re the first person to call us back from anywhere,” Diane said.
Diane says she’s “aching all over.” No kidding. Her husband is about 6-foot-4, much of it relatively dead weight. The left side of his body remains paralyzed.
He’s been under her sole supervision for less than two weeks after being in and out of Central Maine Medical Center and d’Youville Pavilion, where doctors have tried to manage Robert’s pain and high blood pressure while therapists addressed his strength and mobility.
At home, Diane isn’t qualified to help him but doesn’t have the income – or the insurance company’s blessing – to call in reinforcements.
Diane said the insurance company told her that at least one doctor didn’t believe Robert required any additional therapy.
“Therapy? He’s paralyzed, lying in a bed all day long,” she howled. “What’s he supposed to do with the rest of his life?”
Using up savings
The combined cost of home health care and a personal care assistant is about $75 per hour.
Robert served in the military for eight years. At the time of his stroke, he was working in the Navy’s civilian department at Bath Iron Works.
Diane and Sandy applied for help through a Web site that purportedly grants financial assistance to needy ex-Marines. No response.
They’ve e-mailed senators and congressmen. Still nothing.
When Robert’s wife or sister-in-law does hear a live voice on the other end of the telephone line, the answer usually is no.
“People say we made too much money in the past,” Diane said. “I guess we’re supposed to be beggars for the rest of our life. We’re losing everything. I’m living off what’s left of our savings.”
As the couple celebrates small triumphs in Robert’s recovery, they wonder how they’ll manage without a much larger victory.
After a four-month wrestling match with The System, Diane isn’t holding her breath. She’s discovered that a track record of hard work and serving your country don’t mean a bundle, either.
“It’s like everybody’s saying, Thank you,’ all at once,” she said, with weary sarcasm.
Kalle Oakes is the Sun Journal’s columnist. His e-mail is koakes@sunjournal.com.
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