One of the things I do on my weekly Relationship Radio Show in Atlanta is create a top-seven list related to the topic of the week. This is usually a combination of serious and humorous tips, and we let the listeners and readers decide which ones are humorous. Even the humorous ones have useful information in them.
This week’s list is “The Top 7 Signs You are Not Ready to Get Married Again.”
• After your divorce, you moved back in with your parents, who had never changed your room. Now you still haven’t either. While you want to stay close to your family once married, you also want to separate from them emotionally so your “family of choice” comes first.
• You are still married. Enough said in one sense. Beware the person who still has emotional and legal entanglements with a former spouse. They are not ready to commit to a new relationship.
• Quoting Billy Joel, “Well, you’re 21 and still your mother makes your bed. And that’s too long.” Independence and self-sufficiency is a sign of emotional maturity.
• You still fight with your ex every day. This is another sign of still being emotionally connected to a former spouse. An emotional connection does not have to be where you love someone. An emotional connection can be based on negative emotion too.
• This thought came from Alyssa Johnson of RemarriageSuccess.com. “You’re planning on introducing your kids to their new stepparent once you both return from the honeymoon.” This means you have not done the necessary work to acclimate your children to the new family. You are not ready to blend the families. Johnson, author of “The 7 Questions to Ask Before Saying I Do Again,” added, “Many first marriages stay together because of the kids, while many second marriages end because of the kids.”
• You tell anyone who will listen what a jerk your ex is. When someone constantly complains about “my crazy ex,” they are often saying much more about themselves than they are saying about their ex.
• The best sign that you are not ready to get married again – Your favorite saying in the whole entire world come from the late great writer Lewis Grizzard who said “I’m never getting married again. I’m just going to find a woman (person) I hate and give them my house.” If you are still this angry about your previous marriage, you are clearly not ready for the next one.
I believe that those are the top signs that a person is not ready to get married again.
Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT, is a marriage and family therapist.
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