We don’t know, for sure, that he’s coming.
But we also don’t like to be caught flat-footed, so, just in case, we went shopping for Flava Flav this week.
You know, Flav? He of the oversized grill, cornrows, looking-for-love-whilst-getting-drooled-upon-on-VH1 fame.
He is, of course, never spotted without a clock around his neck, as much a trademark of his as the Dobermans are ours. Last month in a news story, the owner of Mixers bar in Sabattus teased at a B-level celebrity lineup this fall, saying:
“I think late November, a reality TV star who likes to wear clocks around his neck is coming to hang out.”
Now that can only be one (kind of petite, very animated) man. We’ve heard nothing more about the potential visit, admittedly, not being the most plugged into the bar and club scene, but a bit of clock-shopping can never be in vain.
So, Mr. Flav, here’s to you. (And if you’re not coming, here’s to the other reality TV star who likes to wear clocks around his neck. We have no idea who you are.)
* Timex sphere color-changing alarm clock, Radio Shack, $9.99
Choose from seven colors for the back lighting. In a blue mood today? Go blue. In a green mood? Go green.
* Mini clock, Radio Shack, $4.99
Teeny, tiny digital clock. So small that you could actually wear it around your neck. If, um, you owned a bit of shoelace and were so inclined.
* Citizen Eco-Drive wristwatch, Kay Jewelers, $169.99
More faces than you can shake a stick at. Well, OK, four faces; four faces to shake a stick at (one large, three small.) Bag Lady refuses to admit she has no idea what a tachymeter is. But, good news: It has one of those, too.
* Silver coin clock, Things Remembered, $35
Elegant coin-shaped desk clock with a swiveling, engravable lid. Rest it on a desk or throw to disperse a pack of rabid fans. It’s elegant and weighty, so it can handle double-duty like that.
* Sports clock, Things Remembered, $25
Small sports award desk clock with the clock part nestled in a little baseball, basketball or golf ball. Note: We discovered that the little baseball, basketball and golf ball gently rest on their bases and are not actually attached to them. Whoops.
* Sony CD clock radio for iPod and iPhone, Best Buy, $99.99
Cool, space-agey spherical design. Play the radio. Play a CD. Play all of the 1,000 songs you’ve got stored on your iPod or iPhone. Never be musically deficient again! (Oh, and you can see what time it is, too.)
Best find: Lego blue-brick radio alarm clock, Radio Shack, $14.99
Ten times larger than a regular Lego, according to the fun fact on the side of the box. At least five times as adorable, minimum.
Think twice: Movado Belamoda ladies’ watch, Kay Jewelers, $1,195
Stainless steel, diamond accented, Swiss quartz movement. Lovely, but this timepiece is entirely un-Flav. Make it the size of a dinner plate and we’ll talk, yo.
Next week: We give the gift treatment to other VH1 celebrities. Trust us. You haven’t lived until you’ve shopped for Janice Dickinson at Hickory Farms.
Bag Lady and Shopping Siren’s true identities are protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who think they’d rock cornrows) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach them at baglady@sunjournal.com and shoppingsiren@sunjournal.com.
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