There’s a popular children’s song that Shopping Siren used to love. The tune involved mud. Lots of mud. So much that a pool of the stuff swallowed a kid whole. 

At 8, I thought that was hilariously ridiculous.

Now somewhat older, I think with resignation, “Yep. That’s mud season.”  

We’d probably have mud season by now if it wasn’t, you know, still very much winter outside. But eventually, the snow will melt and the ground will thaw and there it will be. Mud. One of life’s certainties.

Death, taxes and mud season in Maine.

It’s fun when you’re still in Geranimals and can splash around in puddles or mix up a bucketful of mud pies without the judgy looks. As an adult, however, there’s just cleaning. Cars. Boots. Pets who roll in everything brown and sloppy. (Ew.)

But fear not! It turns out there’s a plethora of gadgets, gizmos and doodads out there for dealing with mud. Really, if you have to deal with mud, you might as well do it with a doodad.  

Or just leave it all alone and let the muck build up. I’m sure that childhood song was made up. There’s no way a pool of mud could swallow a pers—

* Floor Guard welcome mat, Kohl’s, $11.99

Tan welcome mat center with a rubber back and a slight lip to keep muck and mire in its place. All this and a deal, too — welcome mats were 40 percent off when I visited Kohl’s earlier this week. (Sale prices are shown here.) A regular old welcome mat not enough to contain all the dirt your family drags in? First, it might be time to have a frank talk with your husband/wife/kids about not using the Slip ‘N Slide during mud season. Second, try: 

* Clean Machine Astroturf welcome mat, Kohl’s, $20.99 

Astroturf mat “grabs hold and hides up to 1 pound of dirt per week,” according to the package. I’m not sure whether 1 pound a week is a gross exaggeration or an optimistic underestimation of what the average family should expect to expend in mud. Let’s find out, but you first.

* Bona hardwood floor mop, Kohl’s, $44.99

Forget your mother’s mop, with the grimy water you slap across the floor and the bucket that always seems to tip over. This spraying Bona mop is a Swedish formula, according to the package. It’s quick! (According to the package.) It’s easy! (According to the package.) It does all the work for you while you finish watching “Say Yes To the Dress!” (OK, that last one I made up.)

* Roller mop, Marden’s $2.99

Not willing to shell out $45 for a Swedish formula mop? Try the roller mop. Yes, I know, it’s basically a sponge on a stick. But it beats cleaning up the mudroom with a sponge and no stick, right?

* Uncle Norman’s 1-Step Pet Bath Sponge, Marden’s, 99 cents

Speaking of sponges. Uncle Norman’s provides shampoo, conditioner and odor inhibitor, all in one little sponge. Just add water. Sounds great for the owner who can’t spare a hand to open up the shampoo bottle because that hand is busy holding on to Fido to keep him from jumping out of the tub, running through the house and splattering mud on the new white couch as he shakes the water from his fur. Been there, done that.

* Sta-Put waterproof seat cover for pets, Paris Farmers Union, $44.39 

Hooks over the back seat to contain Fido and his muck-coated coat. It’s not recommended, but I think it might also work for muddy humans.

* Northerner Splash Boots, toddler sizes, Paris Farmers Union, $15.99

You know they’re going to go splash in a mud puddle anyway, you might as well get them the boots to do it right.

Best find: Mohawk Home welcome mat, Kohl’s, $11.99

A pretty welcome mat decorated with small, colorful squares and “Welcome” in a fun, comic-like font in the center. Looks like it could gladly scrape the dirt from your soles and warmly welcome guests. It’s hard to find both in a mat. 

Think twice: Orgill three-piece rain suit, Paris Farmers Union, $16.35 

Bright yellow rain suit pretty much covers from head to toe. Sure, I’m not a fan of mud, but I’m not about to swath myself in plastic to get through the season. Well, not that much, anyway. So ditch the rain suit, find a puddle and make some mud pies. ‘Tis the season. 

Commercially speaking: Postcard from away

From a chaise longue in an undisclosed beachfront location, with access to an amazing array of Maine channels, Bag Lady has been watching lots of TV. Like, a gluttonous amount, and using the pool boy to hold up the screen.

 My reigning three favorite commercials:

* Clorox Splashless Bleach: Really, Clorox? Not sure what it says about my life (my station in it or my ability for joy), but I am so excited to give this bleach a whirl. Bag Lady has ruined so many clothes with errant droplets.

* Sausage Kitchen in Lisbon Falls: The jingle alone has me wanting to visit.

* Treasure Chest II in Waterville: Never did Bag Lady imagine herself capable of stirring nostalgic for the Treasure Chest III, the former adult plaything shop on Lisbon Street, but each time I see these commercials with their double entendres, questionable screen cuts and more questionable acting, I think, Lewiston, that could have been you, girl.

Shopping Siren’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who think waterproof seat covers are a fun challenge) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at shoppingsiren@sunjournal.com.

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