Shopping Siren loves the sun. Lounging on the beach, napping in a deck chair, swimming in the lake surrounded by warm rays. 

But while I’m a fan of the sun, the sun isn’t so much a fan of me. I burn. Hard. A day at the beach is dramatically less glorious when you go home red, and pained, and worried about impending skin cancer.

A tan’s nice. Not that nice.

So in recent years I’ve gotten to know sunscreen. My favorite: Oil free, smells of coconut, and has an SPF of 15 or more (meaning I can stay in the sun 15 times longer without burning). But there are so many more options. Waterproof or water resistant? Spray or lotion? Go with the cheap stuff or spring for the little tube that costs about as much as my weekly food budget?

In an effort to cut through the confusion, the Food and Drug Administration recently issued new regulations on sunscreens. Over the next year or so, only sunscreens that protect against both UVA and UVB rays can be labeled “broad spectrum.” Only SPF 15 or higher broad spectrum sunscreens can claim they help protect against skin cancer. Products can no longer say they’re waterproof or sweatproof, only resistant, and the term “sunblock” is being tossed in favor of “sunscreen.” No product can claim to protect for more than two hours without reapplication.

So soon it’ll be marginally more clear. In the meantime, the sun’s out and the lake is calling me.

Need some sunscreen, too? Others might talk price per ounce. Bah. We’re progressive at Bliss. We talk price per SPF. It’s protection you can, er, take to the bank.  

* Banana Boat Ultra Defense, SPF 80, 3 oz., Big Lots, $4

Five cents per SPF. Tube says it’s waterproof, absorbs quickly and is enriched with aloe vera. I prefer “enriched with fame and fortune” but haven’t found that in a sunscreen. Yet.  

* Aveeno Positively Ageless Sunblock, SPF 90, 3 oz.,  Big Lots, $6.50 or $5

Either 7 cents or 5 cents per SPF, depending on where in the store you pick it up. In the skin care section this little tube is tagged at $6.50. On the sunscreen shelf across the store it’s priced $5. Go figure. The package says this lotion is light weight, oil free, waterproof and formulated with Enviroblock, which is Aveeno’s exclusive “triple defense technology,” according to the company’s website. I have no idea what that means, but it sounds impressive.

* BullFrog Superblock, SPF 50, 5 oz., Big Lots, $4

Eight cents per SPF. Hypoallergenic. In an adorable green bottle. Makes me want to hold a frog jumping contest on the beach.

* Banana Boat Sport Performance, SPF 50, 8 oz., Big Lots, $4

Eight cents per SPF. Claims to be “very” water and sweat resistant. I don’t know the scientific definition of “very” with regard to water resistance, but I assume it’s somewhere between “not at all” and “wetsuit.”

* Australian Essentials spray, SPF 30, 3 oz., Big Lots, $3

Ten cents per SPF. This spray sunscreen comes with a little packet of something called Luminous Glow Shimmer that promises a subtle glow in three to five days. So, see, you don’t need a suntan. You just need a packet of glow.

* Badger sunscreen, SPF 30+, 2.9 oz., Axis Natural Foods, $13.39

Forty-five cents per SPF.  The Environmental Working Group, Washington D.C.-based nonprofit advocacy group, runs a website that lists the best and worst sunscreens from that group’s point of view. (Likes zinc oxide. Doesn’t like certain chemicals and spray sunscreens that can be inhaled.) Badger is one of its faves. Axis sells several different Badgers — unscented, lightly scented with lavender, one for babies — all of which I was tempted to pick up, if only to tell Bag Lady, “I bought badgers today!” It’s hard to pass up an opportunity like that.

* Beyond Belief Vita C+  Skin Nutrients sunscreen with light moisturizer, SPF 15, 4 oz., Sally Beauty Supply, $8.99

Just under 60 cents per SPF. Expensive, sure, in both price-per-SPF and price-per-ounce, but it’s supposed to smooth away lines and wrinkles as well as protect you from the sun. What else do you want from 4 ounces of alleged miracle?  

Best find: Chap Ice lip balm dual pack, SPF 4 (cherry flavor) or SPF 15 (no flavor listed), Family Dollar, $1

Based on 50 cents per lip balm stick, that’s 12.5 cents per SPF (cherry flavor) or 3 cents per SPF (no flavor listed). Because kissable lips need sun protection, too. Don’t you forget it.

Think twice: Johnson’s baby oil, 14 ounce, Family Dollar, $3.75

My mom still tells tales of going to the beach as a twenty-something and liberally rubbing baby oil all over her skin. So she would burn. Apparently sizzling was the thing to do back in the day. (You know, the day when doctors advised pregnant women to have a drink to relax and you had smoking and non-smoking sections on planes.) We know more now, or at least we think we do. So step away from the baby oil. Burning isn’t pretty and tanning isn’t worth it.

Shopping Siren’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who will stay in the shade where it’s cool, thank you very much) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at shoppingsiren@sunjournal.com.

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