National Public Radio had a segment not too long ago about Target kicking things up a notch with its grocery business. When we found ourselves at the Topsham Target last week while tracking Missoni fever, we sauntered past the retail shelves packed with food and realized we couldn’t ignore fate.

We were meant to grocery shop here.

Yes, granted, we also believe we are meant to someday finish an entire Neapolitan from the Italian Bakery and spend a week on a deserted island having delightful, er, conversations with Matt Damon and Philip Seymour Hoffman.

But Target was here, now.

We grabbed a cart. Sometimes there’s no denying destiny.

The obvious questions: How expansive were the food offerings, sandwiched as they were between the Halloween decor and the dog clothes? Snackish or actual this-could-sustain-us-for-a-whole-week?

Surprisingly, pretty darned expansive. Target has two house-brand food lines, Market Pantry and Archer Farms, and between those two a family could be fed for awhile. Plus, it offers a selection of brand-name foods and ample freezer and dairy goods. Supplement at your local farmers market (there’s no produce, meat counter, etc.), rinse and repeat.

Target groceries, soup to garlic legumes:

* Archer Farms organic 2 percent milk, half gallon, $3.19

Archer Farms is described in signage as delivering “premium food products” and it’s definitely going for a Pepperidge Farms sort of vibe with a rooster logo. We liked the fact that it was also going for an affordable vibe with a price that was about 80 cents cheaper than the others. We love it when fate rewards us with cash.

* Market Pantry cooked shrimp, 16 oz., $5.99

Peeled and deveined. Arrange in a circle around a vat of cocktail sauce at your next party. FYI, you had us at cocktail.

* AF chips, 8 oz., $2.79

Decisions, decisions. Mediterranean-inspired hummus, sweet and spicy Thai-style chili, loaded baked potato or Parmesan garlic. The humble chip has matured so much beyond salt and vinegar.

* MP Colby jack cheese mini bars, 9 oz., $3.69

For snacking. Or a very limited dinner.

* AF vodka pasta sauce, 23.5 oz., $3.29

Shopping Siren loves vodka sauce, with its mix of tomato sauce, cream and vodka. Bag Lady had never heard of such a concoction and murmured a “Yes, please.” Obviously, we’re meant to have an Italian night dinner party. Soon.

* AF Potato Gnocchi, 17.6 oz., $3.99

Top Chef is all gnocchi this, gnocchi that — finally, Bag Lady’s seen it! And it’s . . . pretty white and lumpy looking. Celebrity always runs the risk of an in-person letdown. Probably best to never meet Mr. Seymour Hoffman.

* AF organic blueberry real fruit strips, 5 oz., $2.99

Mmm, gelatinized fruit.

* MP ketchup, 32 oz., $1.57

It’s so hard to gauge ketchup without tasting it. Um, it was a good shade of red. The tomatoes on the packaging looked plump. The price was right. It’s a good thing people don’t have to choose preschools this way. (“Well, the kids are all vertical and I do see an alphabet poster on the wall …”)

* LaCroix coconut flavored sparkling water, eight 12-oz. cans, $2.99

Bring this to work with your bag lunch and we guarantee at least three people will ask what you’re drinking. More, if you smack your lips loudly and exclaim, “Mmm, coconut-nut-nutty! That’s glorious stuff!”

Someone, please do this. Email us immediately after. It’s your destiny.

* AF cheesecake bites, $6.19

Frozen package contains four each of New York style, turtle and raspberry swirl cheesecake bites. In an ideal world, Shopping Siren would like a couple more New York style bites and one less raspberry swirl, but cheesecake beggars can’t be choosers.

Best find: MP chickadees cheese crackers, 6.6 oz., $1.47

It’s Maine! They’re chickadees! High-five to whomever came up with these Goldfish-inspired goodies.

Think twice: Hapi Snacks spicy sriracha, 9.9 oz., $6.99

These chili garlic coated green peas get rave reviews online. (“You pop these in your mouth a dozen at a time and your taste buds are lovingly stimulated with a mixture of sweet, garlic-y, spicy delights,” wrote one enamored snacker on Amazon.) However, we remain skeptical. Spicy snack peas? These will not make it into our deserted island picnic basket. Some things were meant to be. Others, meant to be left on the shelf for another shopper. 

Prices as of 9/21

Bag Lady and Shopping Siren’s true identities are protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who like both chickadees and goldfish) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach them at baglady@sunjournal.com and shoppingsiren@sunjournal.com.

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