Three months ago, Bliss’ editor approved our expensing $15 four times a year for columns on product testing.
Here it is March, the first quarter almost over, the cash burning a hole in our pocketbooks. What to spend our newfound wealth on?
Oreos turn 100 this year.
Bag Lady and Shopping Siren love Oreos.
It’s like it was meant to be.
We decided to pit the classic Oreo against nine competitors, shut ourselves in a conference room with a quart of milk, score all 10 for texture, taste and dunkability, then marvel that, seriously, we’re getting paid for this?
Yes. Dunk, chomp, chomp, hahaha. Yes.
It is at least partly a public service. Why spend hard-earned cash on “Ugh” when “Mmm” is cheaper?
There is also some self-service. Bag Lady and Shopping Siren ate a whole lot of cookies. Not all of them, though, happily.
Minees (six cookies per pack, Dollar Tree, 10 packs/$1) were no question the best deal but tasted ehh. A cheap sweet for sweet’s sake. The best BL could muster about Vanilla Creme: “I’d choose it over dry Jello mix.” SS said of Strawberry Creme: “I’d probably really like it if I liked strawberry.” And we split on Banana Creme (SS: “Ooh.” BL: “Blech.”)
Surprisingly, we were similarly unmoved by Golden Chocolate Creme Oreos (39 cookies, Shaw’s, $2.99 with a Shaw’s card,) one of 16 O-fficial varieties we counted on Shaw’s shelves. No mmm factor, and when you’re an Oreo, mmms are mandatory.
Moving beyond the creamy middle to the cookie highs and low:
The Holy Grail: Oreos, six cookies, Save-A-Lot, 50 cents
Texture: 5 (scale of 1-5; 5 being bliss)
Taste: 5
Dunkability: 5
The standard by which all knockoffs will be judged.
Shopping Siren’s favorite: Albany Bakery lemon sandwich creme cookies, 60 cookies, Save-A-Lot, $1.99
Texture: 4. Good crunch, if a bit crumbly.
Taste: 4. Lemony without being overpowering.
Dunkability: 5. Very similar to Oreos.
BL found the center a little chalky (think Tums) and the post-dunk taste reminiscent of Lucky Charms. SS told BL she could stuff it. With another cookie brand. SS happily took over the lemony cookie goodness.
Bag Lady’s favorite: LeCour’s Creme Betweens peanut butter sandwich cookies, 36 cookies, Save-A-Lot, $1.99
Texture: 4. Light crunch.
Taste: 4. Good, though SS thought it needed something. Like, maybe, chocolate.
Dunkability: 3.5. Less than durable but delicious with milk.
This deserves bonus points for waftability. When we opened the package, the smell of peanut butter nearly knocked us over. In a good way.
Honorable mention: Little Dutch Maid chocolate creme, 36 cookies, Dollar Tree, $1
Texture: 4. Thicker than an Oreo, but we muddled through.
Taste: 4.5. Sweet filling, light chocolate taste, almost a bakery finish.
Dunkability: 3.5. Sweet, sweet mush in milk.
The little cookie that roared. We were really surprised by how well this compared to an actual Oreo, and for only a buck. We would actually buy these. And eat them.
Novelty shout-out: WhoNu?, 39 cookies, Shaw’s, $2.99 with Shaw’s card
Texture: 3.5. A little too crumbly for SS’s liking.
Taste: 3. Chocolaty, but with an odd aftertaste we couldn’t pin down. Maybe it was the nutrients?
Dunkability: 2. Didn’t accept milk very well and dunking didn’t add to cookie enjoyment. And dunking absolutely must add to cookie enjoyment.
Billed as “nutrition rich cookies” with “as much fiber as a bowl of oatmeal,” WhoNu? is completely hoping kids will mistake them for Oreos, and moms will mistake them for fruit. Good luck with both. Turns out these cookies are denser than Oreos (11 grams in a WhoNu? versus 9.5 in an Oreo), which might be what makes them just a little, hmm, off. Along with the very funky, bright orange, resealable packaging — we’re guessing it’s to keep in the nutrition — no one will mistake these for Oreos anytime soon.
BL: “I’m having Snackwell flashbacks.”
SS: “That’s so not good.”
Least favorite: Save-A-Lot Today assorted cookies, 33 cookies, Save-A-Lot, $1.19
Texture: 3. Thin.
Taste: 3. Graham aftertaste.
Dunkability: 2. OK, but just OK.
Blindfold us and we couldn’t swear we were eating a chocolate cookie. These were no guilty pleasure — they were no pleasure at all.
And cookie calories should be a pleasure.
Bag Lady and Shopping Siren’s true identities are protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who demand to know why their “cookies” are actually carrot chips) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach them at baglady@sunjournal.com and shoppingsiren@sunjournal.com.
-
- Happy 100th birthday, Oreos.
Send questions/comments to the editors.
