Cleared of wrongdoing in the performance-enhancing drug scandal that rocked Major League baseball. It’s just a darn good thing Roger didn’t get caught with a bag of weed on his way to the Taylor Swift concert because the feds get really zealous about those cases. Well, good for him. When he’s not throwing bats at people or storming out of a press conference, I hear he’s a really swell guy.

 

Charlie Sheen is back on the scene in four days. Four days! The anticipation is so intense I could just pee. And don’t tell me you haven’t been counting down to “Anger Management,” too. I’ve seen your calendar with all those sad faces drawn on the Sheen-less days.

 

In Lewiston, the operator of a hair salon reported that perms and colors were stolen from the shop overnight. Really, thieves? You’re stealing hair products now? I hope you’re huffing the stuff because, really. That’s not your shade. You’re more of an autumn.

 

At a tour of the Lewiston Middle School, a nice older woman recognized me while we were looking over, fittingly, the boy’s room. “You’re Mark LaFlamme, aren’t you? You’re a little bit flaky.” Boy, that brings back memories. Junior high? A girl calling me names? If she had kicked me in the shins, called me a creep and ran off to get the principal, it would have been like time travel.

 

So, how are you liking Maine’s new fireworks laws so far? Those round-the-clock explosions doing it for you? I tell you, I haven’t heard so much nonstop pop-pop-popping since that incident with the bubble wrap.

I don’t like to talk about it.