Life in Cabot Cove is murder.

Officially.

In a tidbit last week so small you might have missed it, British researchers from Open University quantified TV crime and declared scenic little Cabot Cove, the mythical Maine town in “Murder, She Wrote,” the murder capital of TV.

Twelve seasons, 21 murders a season, amid a fictional population of 3,500 — that’s apparently the real-world equivalent of being 50 times more deadly than Honduras, according to Britain’s Telegraph newspaper.

You can hardly call Bag Lady surprised.

Viewers learned early that it did not pay to befriend Jessica Fletcher. Also, that there were such things as a passable fake Maine accent and a trying-too-hard fake Maine accent.

The news, though, was a nice excuse to trot down memory lane, particularly seeing as I’ll have to rely on memory. At the local Best Buy, there are no seasons of “Murder, She Wrote” available on DVD. There are, however, several Justin Bieber singing toothbrushes ($7.49).

Clearly, life is not fair.

Just ask anyone living in Cabot Cove.

But life is meant to be lived and to be shopped, so, channeling Jessica Fletcher’s pluck, Bag Lady sallied forth on a “Murder”-inspired shopping adventure.

* Cabot cheese, 8 oz., Walmart, $2

Choose from “seriously sharp” or 75 percent reduced fat cheddar. Both come in white and yellow. No question seriously sharp is more fitting with the theme for its name and plaid wrapper. (Need proof? See the folks daggered, stabbed and scalpeled during season one.)

* Moose bumper sticker, Walmart, $1.75

A yellow circle with a black moose outline. Better than a chalk outline.

* Ladies sweatshirt jacket and coordinating T-shirt set, My Comfort Clothes, $48.95

An online-only store run by an Auburn entrepreneur, its periwinkle and flower set is very Maine retiree. Doubles as a gift idea for National Grandparents Day (Sept. 9). Also comfortable for a busy day of sleuthing.

* Wild Maine Blueberry Chutney, 11.5 oz., Nervous Nellie’s Jams & Jellies, $6.95

Sounds like something Jessica would spread on cornbread while reading her morning paper in the Cove. Perfect that it’s made in Deer Isle for that authentic coastal touch. And given the body count, who wouldn’t be nervous?

* Hood’s Moosehead Lake Fudge ice cream, 1.5 quart, Walmart, $2.98

Yes, Moosehead is inland, but that can be overlooked for such decadence. Death by chocolate — there are worse things. (See fellow disemboweled in the season 12 series finale.)

Best find: Cabot Reserve “super-aged” cheddar cheese, 6 oz., Walmart, $2

“Super aged” with a classy black-and-white scroll wrapper to boot. It’s a true art to age finely. (See Angela Lansbury, a still-acting 86.)

Think twice: About looking cross-eyed at anyone in Cabot Cove. They mean business. Ayuh.

Bag Lady’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who ward off invisible intruders almost nightly) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at baglady@sunjournal.com.

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