Lewiston welfare fraud!
I’ve got nothing much to add to the story, but what about that front page photo, huh? I haven’t seen that many glum, angry faces all together like that since my wife told her family we were getting married.
Fiddleheads!
Somebody somewhere is trying to tighten restrictions for people who pick fiddleheads and mushrooms in the wild. I’ll never forget the first (and last) time I went out to the river banks to pick my own greens. I sat in the woods for hours eating the plants raw as I plucked them from the ground. Unfortunately, it turned out they weren’t fiddleheads and I hallucinated for three days. When I finally came out of it, I looked like this.
Oopsie!
If you’re reading this in the paper and there’s no link with the above item, it probably makes no sense at all, huh? Tell you what you do. Go down by the Androscoggin and eat things that look like fiddleheads but aren’t. Trust me, all of this will seem hilarious in no time.
Bok!
Heard on the scanner:
Officer: “Please be advised, there’s a chicken trying to cross the road in front of 89 Birch Street.”
Dispatcher: “10-4.”
That’s all there is to this story. What were you were expecting? It’s a chicken!
High-speed turnpike!
The E-Z Pass lanes are almost ready, meaning you can stay at a smooth 65 mph while the Turnpike Authority picks your pocket. On Monday, photographer Daryn Slover went out to New Gloucester to photograph a group of MTA board members celebrating the new technology. When they discovered that Daryn had come from Lewiston, they made him turn out his pockets and fork over his lunch money. Because it’s Lewiston. And they hate us.
Baseball!
Starts today! Something tells me this is going to be one of those early seasons where we have to run out and snow blow our yards between innings. There ought to be a term for that.
Exclamation points!
I don’t know why I’m using them! I can’t make it stop!
F is for funny
A nice lady (I assume) sent in a helpful suggestion regarding our recent story on the F-bomb. “To help eliminate the overuse of the F-word, why not use the meaning? No one should be offended.” Among her many fine examples was this gem: “Wasn’t that a sexual intercoursing good hot fudge sundae?”
A young man’s fancy?
A reader wants to know. Yeah, that’s it . . . a reader. I’m personally not curious at all. “Have you seen all the signs on Route 4 going towards Turner? Near Food City. ‘Looking for Iris’ and ‘I’m sorry Iris.'” So, what’s it all about?
Send questions/comments to the editors.
