Bacon!
Remember when we were kids and when a cop would drive by we’d all go: “Oink, oink! I smell bacon!” Ha ha! We were just wicked funny back then. The joke is kind of on us, though, since bacon right now – according to a study I just now made up – is more popular than money, love, monkeys, pictures of cute kittens, traditional sex, hats, cheese, non-traditional sex and oxygen.
Bacon!!
By the way, the people who oink at cops are still out there. They’re 50-year-old shirtless men, mostly, clutching cans of Old Milwaukee’s Best and listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd cassettes they’ve had since junior high. They’re wicked funny.
Bacon!!!
In the small town of Cold Sore, Idaho, a hungry man killed his roommate, with a skillet, during an argument over the last piece of bacon. OK, not really, but doesn’t that sound like something that might be true?
Bac . . . OK, let’s knock that off
Frankly, I’m tired of talking about the stuff, but does anybody remember Sizzlean from the 1980s? It was marketed as less fattening bacon (they got it from skinny pigs) and promoted with the slogan: “Move over, bacon. Now there’s something leaner!” As I recall, it came out around the same time as Hubba Bubba, and the two products had basically the same consistency. A tip for you connoisseurs out there: You should never be able to blow bubbles with your bacon. It tastes bad and it just sounds filthy.
Corned beef hash!
No, I’ve got nothing to say about the stuff. I just wanted to see what you’d do.
Barks and Bubbles
This is the name of a new pet wash next to J&S Oil on Lisbon Street in Lewiston. Define “pet.”
Filthy business
Also on Lisbon Street, the tax mascot is out, waving at traffic and reminding us all that the tax deadline looms. The dude is usually dressed up as Uncle Sam or the Statue of Liberty, but this year he appears to be a bright red lobster. Hey! I’ll bet after his day is done, he could go scrub up in the pet wash. See how easily that resolved itself?
Rutgers fires hot-tempered coach
I had a coach who treated me that way once. Once.
Baked goods
On Thursday night, police were summoned after a young man ate a bunch of pot brownies and then reported he felt funny. Feel free to insert your own joke here. I really just wanted to use “baked goods” in some way.
Olden daze
So, at the end of the month, I’ll be spending a couple of days on a farm at Washburn-Norlands Living History Center to get a taste of what life was like in the 1870s. Boy, I can’t wait to provide you all live Tweets and Facebook updates from the scene, just like they did back in the day.
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