Bacon theme wedding.

Bag Lady devoured the story in the Huffington Post last month of a couple who won a contest for a bacon theme wedding at the San Diego County Fair. There was a bacon bouquet, a bacon boutonniere, a bacon-print aisle runner — the works.

So much fun and so easy to replicate.

Back in April, crime reporter and occasional bacon-eater Mark LaFlamme wrote about Lewiston-Auburn’s love of bacon and the many salty sweets found at places such as Forage Market, Benoit’s Bakery and the Italian Bakery. So, you’ve already got dessert covered.

More fodder for your bacony fete:

* Oscar Meyer turkey bacon, 48 oz., BJ’s Wholesale, $9.69

For liberal garnishing. Because it’s leaner. Because it’s still bacon.

* Hannaford bacon ranch dressing, 16 oz., Hannaford, $1.49

For the dipping of carrots and celery — or, if you must, broccoli.

* Vermont Smoke and Cure bacon, 20 oz., BJ’s Wholesale, $8.99

Because it’s “certified humane raised and handled,” according to the packaging, with no antibiotics, nitrates or nitrites. It’s practically healthy! OK, that’s not on the package, but still. Practically!

* Hannaford 100% real bacon bits, 2.8 oz., Hannaford, $1.78

I have to borrow the happy San Diego couple’s idea here: Guests threw bacon bits instead of rice.

Please, be a dear

The next time you see a woman whom you suspect is Bag Lady approach a cash register carrying a white blouse, cardigan or tube top, do me the kindness of approaching and gently asking, “You really think you should be doing that?”

I am incapable — incapable! — of keeping anything white beyond four wears. Exhibit Z is the button-up shirt loitering in the bathroom right now, hitching a ride with every load of laundry, whites and not, in a feeble attempt to get rid of a half-dime-size orange mystery spot. It might have been pizza; it might have been fang spray from a Bengal tiger.

It doesn’t matter. It’s not going anywhere.

Over and out

What did go somewhere? That cat butt cup.

After more than three months of lingering in the office sink, some office angel got tired of looking at it, washed it and banished it to the community stash of abandoned mugs. Bag Lady had been content to wait and watch to see who finally claimed it. That means, of course, three things:

My sink vigil is over.

There is at least one person in the office way more altruistic than I. (Who am I kidding? There’s way more than one.)

And the next time you come in for an editorial board meeting? That cup could be yours — butt of course.

Shark Week!

I deeply regret that we probably won’t have time to shop for Shark Week (starts Aug. 4 on the Discovery Channel.) It’s being advertised on TV already by an adorable Snuffy the Seal commercial.

Well, maybe adorable is the wrong word. It’s downright deadly. But no actual seals were harmed. Uh, this time. Which makes it funny, even though it’s kind of real? Probably because his name is Snuffy? The human mind is a mystery.

Don’t hold those bacon-flavored nuptials near the ocean. That’s my only advice.

Bag Lady’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who vote yes on bacon) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at baglady@sunjournal.com.

Copy the Story Link