A-maze-ing
If you’ve been on Walnut Street in Lewiston lately – and you have, I just know it – you’ve probably noticed how crews spent the whole summer building a strange network of curbs that jut out into the street like the elbows and knees of sprawled giants. The bizarre configuration makes the already cramped stretch of Walnut even narrower, leading me to believe that this was done by video game designers. Driving a car along that stretch between Bates and Bartlett streets is like navigating your way through one of those online maze games, where if you touch the sides, you die and have to start over. In the real-world game, if you drift too far to the left or right, you’ll probably just bump into some guy with a 40 in his hand who will then proceed to kick your car because you made him spill it down the front of his Def Leppard shirt. Fun for all!
For richer or for poorer
Last week in Lewiston, I found a rather elegant wedding cake topper in the littered alley behind the public library. We’re talking about a bride in a flowing gown and flanked by her smoldering bridesmaids. We’re talking groomsmen in tuxedos. We’re talking lace and all the frilly things that make that special day all it can be. The groom was rolling around on the pavement a few feet away, but hey, stuff happens. The fact is, a few days later, the cake topper had been reduced to a bland tray and a plain white rod that once held up the beaming wedding party. Somewhere out there, a very cheap groom-to-be is telling his beloved not to worry about making arrangements for the cake. He’s got this under control and boy, did he get a bargain.
Darkness falls
At 7:30 p.m. Wednesday night, a caller reported to police that a man in Lewiston was walking around with a flashlight and using it to – brace yourselves – navigate his way through the darkness. Can you imagine? I mean, what a dirtbag, huh? I would’ve looked into it, but I was busy ferreting out reports that other outlaws were fishing with worms, throwing darts in a pub, using hammers to pound nails and – I don’t know what this city is coming to – using step ladders to reach highly placed objects. It’s a dangerous world out there.
Fantastic Voyage
Special shout-out (I do special shout-outs now) to a guy named Jim who successfully programmed our new police scanner after it had resisted all other attempts. As far as I can tell, to program the Uniden, you have to shrink yourself down to the size of an electron, get beamed inside the gadget and throw stuff around like you’re in a microscopic bar fight. Jim is presently trapped inside our scanner, but whatever. The gizmo works and we thank him for it. Next, he’ll be invited to all of our homes to make our DVD players stop blinking 12:00 AM.
Pirates to play in Lewiston
Sweet. That’s all I have to say about that. Lewiston is better with hockey in it.
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