Far be it for Bliss to let a pirate pass it by.

When Bag Lady saw the Pirate Rendezvous scheduled for June 21 in Damariscotta — The Mystic Pirates, cannon fire, re-enactments, pirate-themed menus at local restaurants — that date went right down on ye olde calendar.

There be swashbuckling, Bag Lady be there.*

(* Actual killing, looting and scumbaggery not condoned. You know, to be clear.)

So if I plan to make that leisurely drive, it only made sense to scout the shopping scene in advance. Bring on ye olde virtual road trip!

It’s a pretty area of the state low on scallywags with lots to offer. Should you want to check out the downtown before making the drive, there is a Web camera trained on Damariscotta — Camerascotta — that, unfortunately, the Sun Journal’s Web filter has blocked due to suspicion of pornography.

What does that tell us?

Bottom line: There be shopping, pirates and a chance of raciness. I mean, one hopes.

* On The Rocks set, Sheepscot River Pottery, Damariscotta, $33.95

Two glasses and six rock “ice cubes.” The “ice cubes” (OK, we can just call them nicely squared-off river rocks) have a little wooden holder. How many spit-takes would you get handing guests a glass with a chilled rock inside? So many. So many that it’s worth it.

* Notable Maine ladies limited edition handbags, Tori Anna Designs, Damariscotta, $240 and up

Choose from the Olympia Snowe (tall leather and wool plaid), the Harriet Beecher Stowe (leather and wool bowler-style), the Abbie Burgess (Maine’s first female lighthouse keeper, leather and nautical-patterned cotton), among several others. A donation is made with each purchase to a charity supported by or representing the woman.

* Pembroke black and white polka dot swimsuit top, Women of Substance, Damariscotta, $47.96

The shop bills itself as offering “natural fiber fashions for well-rounded women, sizes 12ish and grander,” everything from work wear to sleepwear. This Pembroke piece is a slightly flared-at-the-waist tankini that looks much longer than you’d find in most stores (sizes 14 to 24). It appears as though it doesn’t come with bottoms, which, should that be a local trend, may be what the Sun Journal Web filter was balking at. Measure your threshold for modesty; proceed accordingly.

* Candles, Seawicks Candles, Damariscotta, $15-$22

Candles have been done. A lot. But these Maine-made lovelies deserve an in-person sniff with scent names such as Berries and Fog (a cranberry bog), Evening by the Fire (bonfire smell) and Summer Cocktail (juniper and lime) in retro-pretty packaging.

* Handmade bobblehead beaver, Mexicali Blues, Damariscotta, $2.50

Wooden. Befanged. Adorable. And handmade in Mexico. Bag Lady will be so bold — she’s going out on a log here — as to suggest it may be the only place on the Maine coast to find a bobblehead beaver.

* Sterling silver Obama head bead, Peapod Jewelry, Edgecomb, $58

There are dozens of adorable, fanciful pendants and earrings to be found here (see Bumble Pea, Happea Crab) but it’s the smiling, sterling silver head of our president ready to be slipped onto one’s favorite charm bracelet that screams: “Shut the front door.”

There’s also a sterling silver Romney head, $29, while supplies last.

The election was more than a year ago. Suggests supplies are hearty. Or speaks, perhaps, to his lack of charm.

Best find: Mt. Battie Wilderness bell, North Country Wind Bells, Round Pond, $43.95

Green tree cutouts and you choose the wind-catcher that knocks around the bottom from dozens of animals. Each wind chime in North Country’s extensive catalog includes a sound clip online so you can listen to that particular chime’s sound before purchase. Such a brilliant idea! Is it going to annoy the neighbors? Is it going to annoy you? Does it sound like a tinny train wreck or a melodic tinkle?

You listen; you decide.

Think twice: About not taking the Pirate Name Generator quiz to generate your pirate name before the Pirate Rendezvous. (Bag Lady’s is Captain Tessa Rose.)

Bottoms may be optional in Damariscotta* but a sea farin’ moniker is a must. (Go to http://www.gotoquiz.com/pirate_name_generator.)

(* Actually not known to be true. You know, to be clear.)

Bag Lady’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who could rock a peg leg) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at baglady@sunjournal.com. 

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