While folding laundry this week, Bag Lady couldn’t help but notice her kitchen towels had been gnawed on by hyenas.
Like, a whole surly pack of them.
There were inexplicable holes, ragged edges and tatters, so much so in one instance that the towel no longer met the dictionary definition of a towel but had slipped into scrap territory.
And I had company coming. Because that’s how life works.
It’s amazing how house-blind you can become in everyday life, that it’s not until the threat of guests that you notice those rusty baseboards. The welcome mat with a shredded edge. The chipped paint in the bathroom from banging that spot with the vacuum one too many times.
Uuuugh. It’s a bit overwhelming when you actually start looking too close. Or, just start looking at all.
Fortunately here at Bliss, we don’t wallow — and we definitely don’t let the hyenas win.
Instead, we shop, for quick house fixes under $10.
* Gray velvet-covered hangers, 25-pack, TJ Maxx, $9
A sweet, sturdy deal on clearance and an easy way to class up your coat closet. Because you’re using some of those impossibly thin dry cleaner hangers with scraps of paper still attached, right? Me, too.
* Paint, 1 quart, Marden’s, $2.99-$8.99
In white or white or . . . Disney shimmering glitter finish. So you have choices! There were lots of little cans, so you might unearth a few other shades with some rummaging.
* Wooden toilet seat, Marden’s, $8.99
In beige or white. Treat your guests like royalty with a new throne.
* Extra-long oven mitts, Marden’s, $2.99
In black with flames or plain quilted black. For when yours are too scruffy or burny.
* Bath Studio memory foam bathmats, 2-pack, TJ Maxx, $14.99
Measuring 17 by 24 inches and supersoft in gray, dark blue and sea blue. It’s above our self-imposed $10 cap but there are two, so, two bathrooms and you’re golden.
* Candy candles, 3 oz. each, Dollar Tree, $1
For the coffee table, counter or bathroom: Little glass votives in official M&Ms, Skittles and Starburst scents. This is a thing? This is a thing.
* Softsoap hand soap, 5.5 oz., Dollar Tree, $1
Bye-bye gifted cartoon-character-soap-pump whose soap smells so strongly of cherries that no one uses it, but it’s still full so it doesn’t get tossed out, but it smells so much like cherries that it won’t be used . . . Let’s end the soapy cycle, toss it, and choose from nice, grown-up scents like coconut and warm ginger or crisp cucumber and melon.
* Shower curtain, Dollar Tree, $1
In stripes, cream, red, blue or orange. Give your own tired curtain a heave and open up that new plasticy scent. Also, if you have a bathroom where an orange shower curtain works, Bag Lady would love to see pics.
* Satin pillow case, Dollar Tree, $1
In black or red, because you’re running a bordello. I kid! You’re not running a bordello. But with these pillow cases, you could.
Pair with:
* Jumbo pillows, 20″x 28″, Marden’s, $7.99
Don’t make overnight guests drool where you’ve drooled. According to the tag, these contain “fiber fill from eucalyptus trees.” So I guess no chickens were harmed.
* Nonstick cookie sheet, 13 by 9 inches, Marden’s, $2.99
Bag Lady’s cookie sheets all look like they have survived major catastrophe with black char, dings, subtle warp, and yet I only use them to make cookies. Sometimes. And homemade chicken fingers with Panko bread crumbs when we’re feeling wild and crazy. But nothing catastrophic. Rather than house guests thinking the worst, better to pick up a pan or two.
Best find: Kitchen towels, TJ Maxx, $4 to $6.99
Choose from two-packs on clearance, ultraplush KitchenAid towels, or embroidered and bedazzled chicken or peacock towels. I scooped up two, marched home and tossed away the worst offenders. It felt like a small victory, but it also felt good.
Think twice: About fixating too much. Remember: House guests are coming by to enjoy your brilliant company. And also maybe your lake access.
Just keep the hyenas locked up.
Bag Lady’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who shed extra in advance of company, which is just lovely) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at baglady@sunjournal.com.
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