First runner-up Miss Virginia. American Pharoah, this last time. Dreamy Jimmy Garoppolo, the man who would have been New England Patriots quarterback this week if Tom Brady had stayed deflategated.
There’s something to be said for the No. 2 spot.
Namely, it’s not so bad. You’re so close to No. 1! Keep striving! You’re handsome as heck!*
* Not applicable in all situations — apologies, Miss Virginia — but definitely apt in Garoppolo‘s case. The guy looks like Superman. Seriously.
This week, Bag Lady and Shopping Siren are ready and able to celebrate second place and all its two-ness. So we headed out together, of course (got to keep the two thing rolling), in search of doubles, second chances and second favorites. Really, anything No. 2. (Except that. Ew.)
And if today isn’t your best day, we hope it’s next-best.
* Jumbo garlic, two-pack, Shaw’s, 99 cents
Two garlic bulbs, no waiting. Dice. Simmer. Stew (if, er, stewing feels appropriate.) Enjoy! And then chew gum because, well, you just ate two bulbs of garlic. We recommend Doublemint.
* B2P gel roller pens, two-pack, Shaw’s, $4.29
According to the package, the “world’s first pens made from recycled bottles.” They looked cool, relatively speaking, for pens. Which, now that we read that back, almost sounds like a slam. So let’s try that again: Pens. Two of ’em. Cool! No question.
* XXI sequin crop top, Juliet’s Clothing and Accessories, $7.75
Small, fun, flashy. And in Patriots blue, fittingly enough, at this secondhand store.
* Long pashmina scarf, Juliet’s, $4.50
Soft and red with hundreds of major cities’ names printed all over it (New York City, Hong Kong, Paris, Oslo). Make your travel plans, or travel daydreams, for you and your favorite traveling companion. Adventure is better in pairs.
* Silver second-place medal, Craft-Mania, $1.99
Hefty silver medallion strung with red, white and blue ribbon. As second-place prizes go, this one’s a winner.
Just as a quick FYI: Most items in Auburn’s soon-to-close Craft-Mania were 60 percent off when we stopped in early this week, and there was a fair amount of inventory left. The store closes in about a week, according to a clerk. We’re so sad to see it go. Unfortunately, second choice doesn’t always work out in retail.
* Number 2 wooden block, Craft-Mania, 52 cents
Paint and display this 3½-inch-tall numeral wherever you please. Like the bathroom, for example. Where some people will get it and others will just look at you funny.
* RedNek Champagne Flutes, two-pack, Craft-Mania, $9.60
Glass Mason jar-esque atop two glass candle-holder-esque bases. Wrap and take to your next wedding. A fabulous burn gift or a point of hilarity. You know the couple best.
* The Museum Two-Pocket Artist Portfolio, Craft-Mania, $11.20
Large canvas portfolio with two zippered pockets. Big enough to hold your multiple sketches of Jimmy Garoppolo. That you did for art class. If you need a place to hang them, we’ve got some wall room.
* Designer feathers, two-pack, Craft-Mania, 40 cents
In realistic brown or that’s-so-not-real bright green. For topping your second-favorite hat, because your favorite hat is a baseball cap and that would just look silly.
Best find: Firefly children’s toothbrushes, two-pack, Shaw’s, $2.99
These colorful, kid-friendly toothbrushes light up, sport a 1-minute tooth-brushing timer and possess a suction-cup base so they don’t roll off the edge of the vanity and end up in the toilet. For the second time this week.
Think twice: Double Bubble T-shirt, Juliet’s, $4.25
Blue, extra-large men’s T-shirt bearing a small Double Bubble gum logo and emblazoned with the question: “How hard can you blow?” Great shirt for hanging with a couple of frat brothers. Not so good to wear for luncheon with the in-laws. Hey, we love a good double entendre as much as the next person (see every Bliss ever), but when you’re husband No. 1 you don’t want your significant other’s parents wishing for husband No. 2.
Bag Lady and Shopping Siren’s true identities are protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who are two of a kind) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach them at baglady@sunjournal.com and shoppingsiren@sunjournal.com.
Send questions/comments to the editors.
