You aren’t alone if you think teen dating violence isn’t an issue. A staggering 81 percent of parents polled believe that teen dating violence is not a serious or widespread issue.

But the truth is that one in four teens will experience dating violence. Although talking to your teen about relationships and dating violence can be challenging, staying silent is not an option if you want to protect young people from intimate partner violence.

Teens that experience dating abuse are more likely to be depressed, anxious and suffer from suicidal ideation, but many teens in abusive relationships are too scared to tell their parents or reach out for help.

This February, use Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month to start a conversation with the teens in your life about healthy relationships. It might make more of a difference than you realize.

So what does teen dating violence actually look like, and why is it important to distinguish abuse teens face from domestic violence among adults?

The warning signs of abuse in a teen dating relationship can be difficult to see. Although most parents believe that they could identify whether their teen was in an abusive relationship, 58 percent of parents could not correctly identify warning signs of abuse when polled.

Some forms of abuse common to teen relationships are possessiveness, isolating someone from friends and family, and extreme jealousy or insecurity. An abusive partner might require constant check-ins through phone calls or texts, demand control over social media activity, or require passwords to email or other accounts be shared.

Pressuring a partner for sex or other sex acts, including sexting and physical abuse, including pushing, slapping or restraining, are also common behaviors in abusive teen dating relationships.

Teens are particularly vulnerable to sexual violence within romantic relationships, with young people between the ages of 12 and 19 experiencing the highest rates of sexual assault; and stalking, where the highest rates of victimization occur for people ages 18 and 19.

As always, be alert to changes in mood or behavior in your teen, especially changes that coincide with a new relationship or sudden shifts in an existing relationship — it could be a sign that your teen is experiencing dating violence.

While there is no single “type” of victim of teen dating violence, there are risk factors that may make some teens more vulnerable to intimate partner violence.

Teens who have witnessed domestic violence in their homes, or in the relationships of their peers, are more likely to be in abusive relationships, as are teens who suffer from depression, anxiety or substance abuse issues.

One community that is overrepresented in abusive relationships is LGBT youth, with transgender youth being especially vulnerable to intimate partner violence.

Although LGBT teens are statistically more likely to reach out for help if they are being abused than their heterosexual peers, they also face fears and pressures unique to their identity when disclosing an experience of dating violence, and may fear that discussing this abuse could lead to being outed, expose them to homophobia, or cut them off from existing support networks.

Teens, especially those under 18, may also face challenges due to their age if they want to access medical care to treat the effects of dating abuse, or if they want to take steps to protect themselves from abuse through the legal system.

Without the help and guidance of a supportive adult, it may be almost impossible for a teen, especially someone living in a rural area, to independently access clinical services. And without a parent or guardian to file on their behalf, it is impossible for a teen to obtain a protection from abuse order.

You can help protect young people from dating abuse by having an open, honest discussion with the teens in your life about these issues. This will let them know that they have someone supportive and knowledgeable they can turn to if they are being harmed by an abusive relationship.

If you’re looking for a way to jumpstart the conversation on teen dating violence, you could start with the Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence’s TDVAM hashtag #Act2EndIt. MCEDV has been bringing the discussion on teen dating violence to social media for several years using this hashtag, and this year is incorporating a video project — the “Wave of Change” — that invites groups of teens to make a short video speaking out against teen dating violence.

Watch some “Wave of Change” videos with your children or students to spark a dialogue about healthy and unhealthy relationships, or even get them involved by making your own Wave of Change video and posting it to Facebook or twitter.

If you want to learn more about #Act2EndIt or the “Wave of Change” video project, visit the MCEDV website at www.mcedv.org, or contact an educator at Safe Voices.

Hillary Hooke is the Franklin County Community Educator for Safe Voices, the domestic violence resource center serving Androscoggin, Franklin and Oxford counties.

Safe Voices works with people of all ages in Androscoggin, Franklin and Oxford counties who are experiencing intimate partner violence. The 24 hour helpline (1-800-559-2927) is free and confidential. Advocates are available to work with people in person or over the phone to safety plan and explore options.

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