Let it bleed
Well, it finally happened. I made myself bleed by playing the piano. I think we all knew that I would eventually find a way to suffer a piano-related injury. The problem is this: I chew my fingers in full wolf-biter fashion, so when my very excellent piano teacher asked me to attempt a glissando, played with the back of the fingers, it was all tattered flesh on ivory and carnage resulted. The good news is that when it really hurts, if you say “GLISSANDO!” in just the right way, it sounds like you’re swearing.
Get your motor running
Drift racing is coming to Lewiston. I don’t know jack about this sport, but it sounds just awesome. Did I really hear somebody say they’re going to use one of the parking garages as a “pass through?” Awesome sauce. I’m probably way off on this, but I picture a bunch of guys in leather coats with greased-back hair and cigarette packs rolled into their shirt sleeves. It’s like “Rumble Fish” all up in here, or possibly “Rebel Without a Cause.” At least I hope so. I’ll be very disappointed if it turns into more of a “West Side Story” thing with dancing and excess finger snapping.
Beware of darkness
Early darkness got you down? Do you feel like the sun has abandoned you like some neglectful mother? Welcome to the club, pal. Shorter days come along year after year and yet I never fail to be disoriented by the change. I get really confused and put on my feety pajamas and sleeping cap at 9 p.m. Which is rather embarrassing since I work until 11.
On come the bells
I remember how annoyed I used to get when stores blasted Christmas music when we hadn’t yet made it to Thanksgiving. Now that so many stores are refusing to play it for fear of offending someone, I find that I miss it. I’m very complicated that way.
Rusty Chevrolet
Why do people keep shooting cars in downtown Lewiston? Back in my day, when we got mad at our automobiles, we just called them vile names, pounded our fists on the steering wheel and occasionally ripped the pine tree-shaped air freshener off the mirror. Take that, Subaru Justy! Felt great and the police didn’t have to come out to investigate.
Baby, I’ll spill the facts
As police began investigating the latest reported car shooting, they searched for a red Cadillac described by witnesses. Turns out it wasn’t that easy. Apparently everybody and her pimp has a red Cadillac in Lewiston these days. I had no idea. I thought only Bruce Springsteen and Aretha Franklin were riding around in those things.
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