Let’s make some noise!
Happy New Year and such. You know those noisemakers that make a really horrible grinding sound when you spin them around? That’s exactly what an editor sounds like when he or she assigns a weather story.
Doh!
I guarantee I just talked my way into writing a weather story, whether there’s weather or not.
Stuff your face
Last week I steered you to a video featuring a man falling on ice for 9 seconds and hundreds of you wet yourselves out of sheer hilarity. I assume. This week, I’m going to make bladder control even more difficult by directing you to this video featuring two men trying to eat various things while wearing mouth guards. Enjoy. I’m sure the experience will blend nicely with your holiday hangover.
Case closed
Late last week, I received a recorded message on my newsroom phone in which a male voice uttered the word “available” and nothing more. I can only assume that this utterance was meant as a cryptic clue to some grand mystery I’m supposed to solve, like I’m one of the Hardy Boys or something. Unfortunately, I quit the sleuthing business after that stolen bike caper turned into a quadruple homicide. Thanks, my available friend, but no thanks.
Hillbilly Weatherman
Also, be sure to check out this guy when we’ve got a big storm bearing down on us. The dude reports on the weather in a way I can only dream of. Sure, there’s some salty language, but come on. We’re talking about 18 inches of snow here, which will need to be shoveled, plowed, brushed off your windshield and scraped out of your boots. How anyone can describe that kind of mess without cussing is beyond me.
It’s a cookbook!
Ha ha! I just gave away the ending to a classic “Twilight Zone” episode, which you’ll most certainly be watching on New Year’s Day because there’s a marathon and – well, what else are you going to do in your condition? You’re so hung over, you probably won’t even care that the hapless couple have been imprisoned by giants from another family, that the weirdos in that giant tube are actually toys, that Burgess Meredith breaks his eyeglasses or that Kojak is about to get his butt kicked by a doll. Plus, Captain Kirk isn’t nuts; he really did see a hairy creature on the wing of the plane.
Gams
Somewhere in the Twin Cities one recent night, a caller reported to police that a woman was out on the streets showing her legs off. The nerve of some people! I looked into it, but to tell you the truth, that kind of report is only interesting if the legs in question happen to be in a duffel bag or in the trunk of somebody’s car.
Send questions/comments to the editors.
