Kristofer Hivju, left, Kit Harington, center, and Emilia Clarke in a scene from HBO’s “Game of Thrones.” Helen Sloan/HBO via AP
Bag Lady and Shopping Siren are seemingly the only two people on the planet not watching HBO’s “Game of Thrones.”
Here’s what we’ve gleaned from friends/family/Twitter over the past eight seasons:
There’s a woman who controls dragons. A wedding got wildly out of hand at some point and a bunch of people died. There are zombies. Jon Snow is the hot one.
And this Sunday, it’s over.
Since we love a good viewing party, this week we do our bloody best to get you ready for Sunday’s finale. So toss back some ale, grab a chicken leg and let’s see who survives!*
* Hopefully everyone huddled around your TV. On the show itself? Oof, the odds don’t sound so good.
- Transparent red goblets and mugs, Dollar Tree, $1 each
Regal-ish, wedding-ish, doom-is-coming-ish. Pair with a $1 red tablecloth so you can save your fake blood cache for Halloween.
- Starbucks double shot espresso 4-pack, Shaw’s, $5.99
OK, so we aren’t completely ignorant of “GoT.” Since we live and breathe pop culture, we did hear last week that a Starbucks coffee cup was accidentally left front and center in a scene. Even we know there’s no Starbucks nestled among taverns and marketplace in ye olde world of daggers and dragons. So warm up and caffeinate your viewing party guests while presenting a little humor in a can. Leave yours front and center on the table, like a queen.
- Samuel Adams’ Cold Snap white ale, Shaw’s, $9.99 for a six-pack
Oh! We do know one more thing from the show: Winter is coming! However, it’s unclear to us if this mantra is meant strictly in a seasonal sense. Like, winter is always coming. (Spoiler, winter will be here Dec. 21.) But maybe in “GoT,” all previous episodes have been in spring/summer/fall? Or maybe it’s a really menacing guy’s last name? As in, “Avoid Peter Winter at all costs. Dude’s a real skiverplurgin.”*
* We understand some characters have their own language. Man, it’s like we sorta know so much!
- Yellow or green glow-in-the-dark toy swords, Dollar Tree, $1
Spread liberally around your living room, reenact scenes as the spirit moves.
- Righteous Felon Jerky Cartel craft jerky, O.G. Hickory flavor, 2 ounces, Shaw’s, $6.99
We mostly wanted to include this because of the creativity that is Righteous Felon craft jerky. It starts with the bag, which features a drawing of a clearly disgruntled bull in an eye patch, and continues with the flavor names (Victorious B.I.G, Habanero Escobar). But O.G. Hickory can completely fit with your “GoT” party. Because Jon Snow is, like, so O.G. Right? Right?? We knew it.
- Fire-roasted tomato salsa, 24 ounces, Shaw’s, $2.69
We hear it burns like the Alchemists’ Guild’s wildfire but goes much better with tortilla chips.
- Rotisserie chicken, Shaw’s, $6.99
Fancy yourself The Hound, but without a tavern battle to the death.*
* Which we had to Google to learn, but going in, we felt pretty darn certain *someone* was eating chicken with their hands on this show. It screams pre-fork and Handi Wipes.
- Aqua ViTea blood orange kombucha, 16 ounces, Shaw’s, $3.99
We know about as much about kombucha as we do “GoT.” But this drink features blood orange, which sounds gory enough to fit right in with the general theme of the show — which we think is death and destruction? Correct us if we’re wrong.
- Steve’s Brooklyn Blackout Cake ice cream pint, Shaw’s, $4.99
Blackout, like the media blackout you’ll need if you miss the finale. We don’t recommend you miss the finale.
Best find: M&M and Kit Kat 7-inch cake, Shaw’s, $24.99
Hottie Jon Snow is played by actor Kit Harington. This cake is edged with upright Kit Kats and topped with a pile of M&Ms. Both Kits — person and cake — look amazing as heck. So a fitting end to both meal and show.
Think twice: About skipping a viewing party.
We’re sure that “GoT,” like all things, is better with friends.
Bag Lady and Shopping Siren’s true identities are protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who would rather watch “My Cat from Hell”) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach them at baglady@sunjournal.com and shoppingsiren@sunjournal.com.
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