It’s easy when we’re children. We make friends at school, on sports teams, at summer camp. We are surrounded by people our own age all the time.

Adult friendships — new and old — can be more difficult to forge and maintain. We’re busy with work and families. It’s difficult to find the time.

But it’s possible. And critical to our well-being.

Friends share interests and experiences. They give and get emotional support and acceptance. They make us laugh. They listen without judging.

These relationships can have a major impact on our health, according to a Mayo Clinic study titled “Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health.”

The study concluded that adults with close friends have a reduced risk of many significant health problems, including depression, high blood pressure and an unhealthy body mass index.

“In fact, studies have found that older adults who have meaningful relationships and social support are likely to live longer than their peers with fewer connections,” according to the report.

Meredith Kendall of Lewiston, a busy professor of nursing, makes time for friends because they “renew my spirit and fill my soul,” she said.

“When work seems stressful and co-workers seem harsh and unfriendly, when I feel bruised and unlovable and emotionally bereft, then lunch with a friend lifts me up,” she said.

“Just knowing that someone wants to spend time with me, and then we do, and we laugh lots and maybe cry a little — well, that recharges me. I feel connected to humanity again.”

Her friends are the family she created, Kendall said.

“My family is spread out around the country and so busy with work, children, and grandchildren,” she said. “Even if my family were nearby and needed me, I would still need my friends.”

Kendall, 64, practices Reiki, a Japanese technique that focuses on healing through “life force energy.”

She has befriended others who practice the technique.

“I love to meet with my Reiki friends for a tune-up,” she said. “We share Reiki, give each other healing treatments, and generally share and soak in our healing vibrations. Once, my Reiki friends and I rented a 10-bedroom house on an island. We set up a Reiki table on the beach and spent a weekend eating great food and sharing Reiki.”

Kendall also stays in touch with old friends, some dating back to junior high school when her family moved to Farmington from the Midwest.

“K. is one of my oldest friends,” she said. “We have lunch every six to 12 weeks. I marvel at how our friendship spans junior high school to Medicare enrollment: almost a lifetime.

“When we were in junior high, I imagined us in rocking chairs, on the porch of a nursing home. I suppose that could happen, and if it does, we will be laughing and talking about books and ideas.”

OLD FRIENDS, NEW FRIENDS

Robert Zachary of Weld has stayed in touch with friends he grew up with in New Jersey and others with whom he connected during his career as a sound engineer for musicians.

“My two best friends are both in the entertainment business and we have known each other for more than 50 years,” he said. “With both, we chat about music, film, TV. Both are industry veterans and have supported my endeavors over the years.”

He has known friend David Chase since high school when they played in a band together. They went on to the same college in the “just-desegregated South (mid-1960s),” then both transferred to New York University.

Chase went on to study filmmaking at Stanford University. He worked as a screenwriter, showrunner, director and/or producer on many television shows including “I’ll Fly Away,” “Northern Exposure” and “The Sopranos.”

Zachary’s other best friend is Craig Miller, the manager for mandolinist David Grisman, with whom Zachary, 75, has worked off and on since 1968.

“We speak on the phone daily and talk about everything from politics to music, sports, TV, health, food and just about anything else that comes to mind,” Zachary said.

He and Miller have worked together on many tours including Grisman, Stephane Grappelli and Yo Yo Ma at Carnegie Hall.

He stays in touch with these close friends the old-fashioned way, Zachary said, mostly by phone and occasional texting.

“Both of these friendships are very nourishing to me,” he said. “They fill my need to communicate my thoughts and feelings about today’s media without any judgment but always a kind, intelligent ear. Both have a very sympatico sense of humor — dry and somewhat sarcastic.”

He added that what keeps him close intellectually and emotionally to his best friends is a lot of shared experience.

“We all dealt with performing artists all our lives — not something you can strike up a casual conversation about with just anyone,” he said. “I know, sounds snobbish, but performers can be difficult (understatement).”

His buddies also do what good friends do.

“Both David and Craig have always been there for me emotionally and sometimes financially throughout our friendships,” Zachary said.

“I have other colleagues from my days in the music business, from my days as a producer/engineer at Elektra Records in New York City, Los Angeles and London. We mostly stay in touch through social media,” he said. “I have found many old road buddies on Facebook.”

Zachary also has made many new friends since moving to Maine in 1983. He simply strikes up a conversation with people and finds common interests.

He recently befriended a woman buying kombucha at a grocery store. He commented that the fermented drink was healthful. It turned out that she shared his interest in music and was familiar with the some of the same bands.

She friended him on Facebook.

“I try to count my manifold blessings every day,” he said. “My glass is most definitely half full.”

SHARED EXPERIENCE

Sometimes you find new friends in unexpected places.

Janine Winn of Temple maintains close friendships with fellow Peace Corps volunteers whom she met in Ukraine about six years ago. They bonded in part because they were “older than the average Peace Corps volunteer,” said Winn, now 74. The other three ranged in age from about 40 to the mid-60s.

“We were able to see things from a similar perspective that differed from the younger volunteers,” Winn said.

The women were separated after training in Kyiv. Winn was sent to a rural village and the other three went to small cities.

They managed to get together at times, for birthday parties or to help one another with presentations, Winn said. They became very close.

“Making new friends throughout life is very important,” she said. “Throwing yourself into totally new situations gives you an opportunity to meet lots and lots of new people.”

They all are back in the states now. They get together “periodically” via the internet for happy hours, Winn said.

“It’s an opportunity to sit and talk and catch up and commiserate and problem solve and provide support,” she said.

About once a month they use Facebook to chat face to face. And they meet up occasionally. Most recently, they spent a week in New Orleans, where her friend Catherine lives. Patty lives in Sebastopol, Calif., and Mary in Baltimore.

Whether they meet in person or over social media, they are “very, very” supportive of one another, Winn said.

“All three are cheerleaders for me,” she said. For example, they were instrumental in helping her stay out of family drama, offering things like, ‘Have you thought about …?’ or, ‘Maybe you should try …’”

The most important, core part of the friendship is their shared experience in the Peace Corps and in Ukraine, Winn said.

“Not the unresolved issues, but things to laugh about and puzzle about and of course, we are all concerned about friends and family,” she said. “That’s one of the links, as well as concern for friends (in Ukraine) and concern for what’s going on in Ukraine right now.”

New friends also can offer learning experiences, Winn said.

Catherine’s father is Nigerian and she spent time growing up in Africa. Mary grew up in a large Catholic family and Patty has done a lot of social justice work. Winn worked as a rape crisis services director.

“We all learn from one another,” Winn said.

After serving in the Peace Corps for nearly three years and then “living under a rock” during the COVID-19 pandemic, Winn found she had to re-establish old friendships, some of which are “deeply, deeply important” to her.

But as we age, our circle of friends shrinks, Winn said.

“Eventually, one of you will die first,” she said. “I’ve lost a number of good friends over the years. You need to keep the circle big and strong and vital.”

It’s difficult to explain how some acquaintances become friends and some friends become deeply connected, she said.

“Sometimes you can’t remember how you first met and other times you walk into a room and you think, ‘There’s someone I can be friends with.’”

She recalled a Girl Scout song she learned as a child: “Make new friends but keep the old. Some are silver and some are gold.”

‘BE THERE’

Nicole Mannix of Lewiston stays connected with her longtime friends by showing up.

“I think the No. 1 thing I do to maintain and nurture my friendships is simply to be there,” she said. “When you know a friend is going through something tough, be it emotional, physical, whatever, check in often, see if they need anything.”

When a close friend was sick, Mannix brought medicine, told her friend to stay in bed and let her sleep all day while Mannix watched her friend’s children and cleaned her house.

Emotional support is mutual, said Mannix, 40, a service specialist for an insurance provider.

“We reach out, check in, let them know we are here no matter what,” she said. “Sometimes we have to think of what someone needs rather than ask. There are situations when folks really don’t know how to answer the questions ‘How can I help? What do you need from me?’”

That’s when those who know you best and love you most dig deep and provide the things that they feel would be most beneficial or helpful in that situation, she said.

“Good friends know you in and out,” she said. “They know when something is wrong — or right — based on body language and facial expressions. They respect you, support you, treat you with kindness and make you feel important in this world. True friends make sure you know that you matter, that your impact on their lives is monumental, and that your place in this world is relevant and necessary.”

Some of her friends go back 30 years, she said.

“My friends are my people,” she said. “They are my family and complete me as an individual and as part of my community. They see and bring out the best in me, and hopefully, I them. I would simply be lost without the friends in my life.”

Her friends enrich her life daily in general ways, she said.

“Sometimes it’s seeing something that makes me think of a friend or friends and I’ll reach out to share,” she said. “An inside joke will pop into my head randomly at times and I’ll just shoot over a very vague text that refers to it to make them laugh.”

One “huge event” was when Mannix’s mother died in 2010.

“If it weren’t for the love and support of my family and friends, I don’t know how I would’ve navigated through that time and those feelings,” she said.

She said she was giving her mother’s eulogy, her voice shaking with sadness and nervousness, when she looked up and made eye contact with an old friend she hadn’t seen in a while.

“It was like a wave of relief, gratitude, and love washed over me instantly,” Mannix said. “I felt a little stronger after that.”

Mannix most commonly stays in touch with her close friends through texting and phone calls. She makes plans with those who live nearby to visit frequently or venture out into the world together.

Social media is a small factor in her relationships, she said.

“It’s important to spend time together, whether it’s going to grab dinner and a drink, going to see live music, having coffee at the kitchen table, stargazing in the middle of the night, or gathering around a backyard fire to chat, laugh, and just catch up.”

It’s important for her health and well-being, she said.

“I find that having a few really close friends helps with lessening feelings of anxiety and depression,” she said.

It also helped her overcome a serious illness about 10 years ago, she said.

“My friends helped give me the strength and perseverance I needed to fight and overcome my health obstacles,” she said. “I couldn’t have gotten through it without them, whether it was someone coming to make me breakfast and help with the laundry, providing me an outlet for expressing my feelings, or making me laugh when I felt really low, both physically and emotionally.”

The key to meaningful, healthy friendships is give and take, according to the Mayo Clinic study.

So be there.

“Life is a series of periods of chaos, choice points, and peaceful stretches,” good friend Meredith Kendall said.

“I know that whatever happens in my life, I can count on my friends to listen, hear me, offer their perspective, provide thoughtful counsel if needed, make me laugh, let me cry, or simply share a plate of French fries or a cup of tea.”

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