Yielding to curmudgeonly instincts, I need to rant about mindless copycat misuse of our mother tongue. Consider:

The latest abomination is “existential,” as in “We have an existential crisis.” Compare that with “We have a crisis.” See the difference? Of course you don’t. They say the same thing. A crisis is a crisis. Inexplicably, that word grew out of existentialism, a postwar French philosophy.

“What are your plans going forward?” Forward? Where else can you go? Take out “going forward” and you’re still referring to the future.

Former jocks employed as TV commentators say the Patriots are both “great at situational football” and “a really physical team.” Has anyone seen an athletic team that doesn’t try to react to the situation? The players may be slow, stupid, and poorly led, but at least they know it’s third down because that’s what it says on the scoreboard. So, following situational logic here, they know they need to move the ball far enough to avoid the dreaded fourth down.

And does anyone know of a football team that isn’t physical? “Physical” doesn’t necessarily equate with “good,” but they wear helmets and pads for a reason and they fall down a lot. “Physical” could also mean mugging the quarterback well after he throws a pass, a bonehead move that could resuscitate a flagging offense.

Particularly irritating is “most unique.” Unique means one of a kind. Don’t mess with it.

“Past experience” or “past history.” What else could either one be? But wait. Maybe someone out there has “future experiences.” If so, please contact me and we’ll go to the track, where you can help me bet the next race.

Taking things to the “next level.” What level would that be? Is there a list of levels? Here’s an alternative: “They’ve never played this well before.” Or “This is looking like a playoff team.”

Then there’s the touchy-feely “reached out” and “shared.” For the former, how about the old-fashioned “contacted” or “called” or “talked to?” When used by adults, the latter one is nauseating. Preschoolers learn to share. Writers (and we’re all writers thanks to email) “tell” or “inform” or “explain” or “direct.”

Stephen King said “adverbs are not your friends.” Top of that list is “currently,” as in “We are currently hiring …” Take out “currently.” Any change in meaning? Of course not. Let the verb tense do the job.

“Deep dive” and “drill down” seem to be peaking in lockstep imitation. Maybe “We’re looking into that” for starters. Or “That needs more research.”

Then there’s “abundance of caution.” Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? Makes you sound so diligent, as in the obnoxious, lawyerly “due diligence.” But by assigning a modifier to caution, you’re implying that there’s another type of caution, perhaps “just enough caution without overdoing it.”

We could also “circle back.” Back to what? That phrase could refer to an open-ended problem that we don’t want to grapple with. That’s like saying, “Let’s do a 360 and get outta here!” And for that matter, wouldn’t going in circles make you dizzy? And how could circling back to where you were be anything but thinly disguised procrastination?

“I don’t have the ‘bandwidth’ to handle that.” Couldn’t that be an admission of either disinterest or a less-than-supple mind that sees little value in learning something new?

Heed these words from “Elements of Style,” co-written by Maine’s own E.B. White: “Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences.” So every word should earn its keep, and every sentence should get its energy from unadorned, active verbs. Remember: Your readers are likely to be busy and want to get your point — the reason you’re writing — as soon as possible.

One last thing. Let it roll on a first draft. Then go back and delete those “unnecessary words.”

Trust me. Self-editing for clarity feels good.

Dave Griffiths, a writing and presentation skills trainer for businesses, nonprofits and government agencies, is a former journalist and member of the Penn State journalism faculty. He lives in Mechanic Falls.

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