We’ve avoided the topic long enough.

It’s time to talk “Duck Dynasty.”

Bag Lady’s first encounter with the mega-hit A&E reality series was in Walmart a few months back when the entire photo studio had been taken over by racks of curious, camo’d merch.

Shopping Siren first caught a glimpse on TV of a few eccentric guys who appeared wild-eyed, wildly bearded, just plain wild and, wait, had their own show?

We’re intrigued, though we’re very likely not the target demographic of “Duck Dynasty,” mainly due to:

1) Sporting no beards.

2) Having never hunted.

3) Having someone vaguely resembling Uncle Si already living down the road, diminishing the will-you-look-at-that novelty. You don’t get excited by a bear at the bird feeder when there’s already a bear in the house loading your dishwasher, all we’re saying.

Which maybe means we just compared the chatty uncle to a grizzly. But, um, a nice one.

The gist of the show: a proud, once-poor Louisiana family that’s built an empire selling duck callers and accessories. Like to tease each other but maintain an underbelly of love. Appear to be pretty crafty/thrifty/earthy. Have beards. Like camo. Embrace both God and fowl.

Oh, and apparently its members aren’t afraid to lend their scruffy images to everything from talking bobblehead dolls to travel mugs. “Duck Dynasty” stuff? Is everywhere.

At Bliss, we’re about new experiences and shopping. So, duck!

* Duck Commander Cut ‘Em Lanyard, Books-A-Million (BAM!), $29.95

Not the little lanyard you made in summer camp with day-glow plastic laces and a dream, oh no. This is The Father of All Lanyards, with a neoprene loop for comfort and spots to hold multiple duck calls. For attracting ducks of different languages. We guess.

* “Duck Dynasty” playing cards, BAM!, $3.99

With images of the whole family! A great stocking stuffer for fans who also like card games. Willie, Phil … don’t have a Jase? Go fish. Er, go duck.

* Camo visor, BAM!, $19.99

For the senior set of fans. Or for golfers. Or, really, for anyone who needs a camouflage-print visor. You know who you are.

* Duck calls, assorted, BAM!, $34.99

Choose the call based on what you’re aiming to shoot. Gleefully printed on the package: “Simple but deadly!” So rarely do we see such a dire warning in a bookstore that we put down the caller and backed away slowly.

* Beard hat by Beard Head, BAM!, $18.99

Not officially “Duck Dynasty,” but this knit hat with an attached knit beard is definitely Duck-ish. Wicked adorable, more so if you’re under 10. Or you need something for Movember.

* Hardcover book three-pack, BAM!, $62.99

That’s a lot of, um, wisdom.

* Talking bobblehead dolls, Kohl’s, $15

All “Duck Dynasty” stuff was 40 percent off at Kohl’s this week. Score! So for just $15 you can now acquire a Kohl’s-exclusive talking bobblehead Uncle Si, perch him on your desk at work and make, “How do you like me now, Jack?” the new office refrain. That will not get old fast.

* “Duck Dynasty” hanging bottle opener and catcher, Kohl’s, $20.40

Hang on the wall for the most convenient of bottle openings, then let said bottle cap just fall into the Duck-logo’d hanging bin underneath it. Easy peasy. Our favorite kind of peasy.

* Deluxe multitool, Kohl’s, $14.40

Included in the tools: scissors, a saw blade, a nail file. No duck … gutter? Plucker? Um, clearly our tree stand/hiding-in-the-reeds hunter speak needs a little work.

* Duck Dynasty Redneck Wisdom board game, Kohl’s, $18

Contains 500 quotes and questions. Unless the question is “Name a duck,” and the answer is “Donald,” we would do lousy.

* Boxed daily “Duck Dynasty” 2014 desk calendar, Spencer’s, $14.99

First, who knew Kohl’s and Spencer’s would ever have enough in common to carry the same line of merchandise? Second, how is it nearly 2014 already? Third, a duck a day keeps the doctor away.

* “Duck Dynasty” Travel mug with pop-up straw, Spencer’s, $9.99

With Uncle Si or Jase. Can’t decide? It’s buy one, get one half-off right now at Spencer’s. Facial hair for all! (Hmm. That sounded better in Shopping Siren’s head.)

* Uncle Si fleece blanket, Spencer’s, $17.99

Cuddle up, Jack.

Best find: “Duck the Halls” CD, BAM!, $14.99 

It’s a Christmas CD. Called “Duck the Halls.” With appearances by Alison Krauss and George Strait. Duckin’ amazing.

Think twice: “Duck Dynasty” top-zip travel kit, camo or black, Kohl’s, $30

This kit is just a little travel bag that doesn’t earn kit status due to its lack of, well, anything whatsoever. You must supply your own shaving cream, toothbrush and Polo cologne. This is a kit in the same way a Ziploc bag is a kit, which is to say not one at all.

We hope Uncle Si would agree.

Bag Lady and Shopping Siren’s true identities are protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who love chasing ducks until the ducks chase back) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach them at baglady@sunjournal.com and shoppingsiren@sunjournal.com.

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