DEAR ABBY: I’m nearly 100 percent sure my husband is cheating on me. I tracked him a couple of times using the GPS on his phone and saw he wasn’t where he told me he would be. I know he has a female acquaintance who lives in the general area of where he was, so I did a little investigating. Sure enough, she lives exactly where he was. I don’t know whether to confront him now, or wait to try to catch him at her house so there will be no denying it.
My husband is the last person on Earth I thought would cheat. When it comes to everything else in life, he’s a man of high standards and integrity. I’m afraid to be on my own because I never have been. I don’t see how I/we can afford a divorce. Please help! — IN SHOCK IN FLORIDA
DEAR IN SHOCK: You must have suspected that something wasn’t right, or you wouldn’t have been tracking your husband’s whereabouts. Now that you know for certain he hasn’t been truthful, protect yourself by consulting an attorney who specializes in family law.
This does not mean I’m suggesting you divorce your husband. However, you WILL be enlightened about what your rights are as his wife. Armed with that information, if you decide to drop by the woman’s house while your husband is there and confront them, it may help your husband recognize that a divorce isn’t in his financial interest and give him an incentive to repair your marriage.
DEAR ABBY: Would it be rude to invite someone to a festive occasion weeks after he or she lost a loved one? Is there a time frame or an etiquette reference? It seems callous to issue an invitation, but if I didn’t, I’d feel like I’m shunning or forgetting the person. I am looking for a mature way to approach this. Have you any thoughts you can offer? — TREADING LIGHTLY IN N.Y.C.
DEAR TREADING LIGHTLY: Call the person and say you are thinking about him or her, and ask how your friend is doing. During the conversation, allude to the fact that you’ll be having a celebration and mention that if he or she is feeling up to it, the invitation is open.
Your friend may surprise you and accept because there is no timetable for grief, and much of the grieving may have been done while the deceased was alive and ailing. However, if your friend declines, at least he/she will know you were thinking about him/her, and that’s very important at a time like this.
DEAR ABBY: Our bright, attractive daughter recently told us that she’s seeing a transgender man. For financial reasons, this man has not had a complete sex change. He still has a female body part. This has caused deep division within our family because, while we love our daughter, we also refuse to see this as being “normal” and believe it will have a negative impact on our daughter professionally. Please advise. — LIVING A NIGHTMARE IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR LIVING A NIGHTMARE: Unless the person your daughter is seeing wears a sign describing his genitalia, your daughter’s career should not be affected. This should be nobody’s business — including yours. Because you love your daughter, concentrate less on what’s “missing” and more on what they share together and the happiness they bring each other, and you’ll all be better off.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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