When a family is dealing with a death, the number of decisions that have to be made in a hurry only add to the stress level of everyone involved. For people who have chosen cremation as their means of final disposition, there are still decisions to make, but at least one stress factor has been eliminated – that of haste.
Once cremation has taken place the need for speed in making plans is greatly lessened. A family can pause to catch their breath and give more thoughtful consideration to how they want to honor their loved one. In our society, death is surrounded by so many rules and regulations people are often unaware of just how much freedom they have in deciding what to do with a loved one’s cremated remains.
Interring them in the ground, what most people refer to as burying, is certainly one option many choose. Cremated remains also can be placed in an above-ground structure, such as a columbarium or mausoleum, but there are several other possibilities to consider. Cremated remains do not need to be placed anywhere “official” at all. A family member can choose to keep them at home for as long as they like.
Sometimes people will choose to keep the cremated remains of a beloved spouse with them until they also pass away. Then both sets of remains are interred together, either in separate containers or in a single container. Double urns are available in several styles which can accomodate the full volume of two sets of cremated remains.
Another option is to co-mingle the cremated remains and then re-distribute them into two urns. People are often unsure about whether or not they even need an urn. Most cemeteries do require some sort of permanent urn before they will inter cremated remains in the ground for a variety of reasons, although occasionally a cemetery will allow interment in a perishable container such as a cardboard box. When cremated remains are placed in a columbarium or mausoleum, a permanent urn may not be necessary. You should check with the cemetery you are planning to use to become familiar with the requirements, not only about this topic but also about any questions you might have.
Do not be shy about asking why each requirement exists. There is usually a very good reason, but if you cannot agree with them, perhaps that is not the cemetery for you. It is much better to find this out before interment takes place. There is no law in Maine that says cremated remains have to be interred at all. Sometimes they are distributed elsewhere, and although there are some regulations about exactly where this can occur, there is still a great deal of freedom available to individuals.
Water scatterings seem to be popular and movies and television have certainly helped to perpetuate this vision, but a little thought needs to be given to the environment. Scattering of cremated remains should not take place in any body of water which serves as the source of drinking water for a municipality.
Scatterings at sea should take place at least three miles out to sea. If cremated remains are to be scattered on dry land that is privately owned then the owner’s permission should be obtained before the scattering takes place. If you are considering scattering in another state, be sure to check the laws there before proceeding.
An option that often comes as a surprise to families is the idea that the cremated remains do not need to stay together in one amount. They can be divided as much as necessary to meet the needs of grieving loved ones and the wishes of the deceased. If there is indecision about whether or not to inter or scatter or keep at home the cremated remains of someone you care about, then why not do two or even all three?
Cremated remains can be di
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vided and be interred in more than one cemetery. Scattering can take place in multiple locations that were special to the deceased. A person who was an avid hiker and traveler can have his cremated remains divided into multiple small amounts and mailed to friends all over the country to be scattered along all of his favorite hiking routes.
In recent years there have been instances of cremated remains taken into space. If you want to keep the cremated remains of a loved one close to you, there are a variety of possiblilities here, too. Very small urns known as keepsakes can be purchased and are available in a variety of styles. It is even possible to match them to some full size urns.
It is a nice option to have available when more than one person wants to retain a portion of a loved one’s cremated remains. For example, when a parent dies, adult children can each purchase a keepsake and fill it with a small amount of mom or dad’s cremated remains.
The sub-division of cremated remains can go even smaller than a keepsake urn. Several companies manufacture jewelry that hold minute amounts of cremated remains. The cost can sometimes be prohibitive, but if this is not a concern, then the knowledge that a loved one is always with you in this manner can be very comforting to some people.
Another very new and very expensive way of making sure you will always have a close physical connection with the remains of someone you have cared about is to have part of their cremated remains turned into a diamond. A company called LifeGem has developed a method to turn our carbon based remains into diamonds.
Because the cremation process has to be handled in a special manner and cannot be done everywhere, this is an option which requires some advance planning but which results in a genuine precious stone with a variety of color options. If this is an idea which appeals to you, your local crematory or funeral director should be able to help you look into the process or you can find more information online at myLifeGem.comCremated remains can also become part of the artistic process. There have been instances of people mixing the cremated remains of a loved one with paint and then using this medium to create a painting. There are numerous possibilities imaginable in this area.
Obviously, some of these ideas are not for everyone. Some would find the idea of any handling of cremated remains other than immediate interment to be inappropriate, but for those who look to alternatives, it can be very comforting to know there are many options for finding an expression for their loss and honoring their loved one. Perhaps most importantly to consider is the fact that none of these possibilities need to acted upon immediately.
Don’t let anyone make you feel rushed. You’ve been through a lot already and may not be in the best frame of mind to decide anything. You can hold onto the cremated remains yourself or your crematory or funeral home can do this for you. Some facilities may charge you for this, but many will not, so once again, do not hesitate to ask questions.
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