“Pink hat” is an overused term in Boston sports parlance. It’s essentially used to disparage any fan who goes through the full range of emotions about the region’s win-more-often-than-not teams more quickly than we do.
That being said, my goodness, September and October are painful months if you follow these people on social media. The Patriots’ dynasty is over. The Red Sox’ collapse is imminent. The Bruins are an embarrassment. And Gordon Hayward will never be the same.
Sigh. Logic tells us that 10 titles since the turn of the century should have diminished the self-loathing that is our birthright. If anything, however, it has intensified. Apparently the only thing stronger than the stigma of a bridesmaid culture is the entitlement of a winning one.
Does it make you wonder how the narrative would have read if Twitter existed when the Patriots and Red Sox were on the cusp of their most memorable win-or-else moments back in the double-ought decade?
A hypothetical sampling:
Sept, 23, 2001: “Oh my. Mo Lewis just killed Drew Bledsoe, and Damon Huard not even warming up. Told you we’d regret giving up on Michael Bishop! Belichick must go!”
Oct. 28, 2001: “Four picks for this Tom Brady clown. Pats will never, ever win a game in Denver. This team’s going nowhere but on the clock.”
Nov. 28, 2001: “Nice effort to keep the Rams close. Still, if you think Law, Buckley, Milloy and Jones can shut down Warner, Faulk, Holt and Bruce for an entire game, you’re on drugs.”
Jan. 19, 2002: “Underdog story was nice, but down 13-3 with a quarter to play and they can’t even see the first-down marker through the snow, never mind reach it. Time for bed.”
Feb. 3, 2002: “Madden’s right. Kneel on it and pray that we win the toss. Brady can manage the game but has no business running a one-minute drill.”
Sept. 7, 2003: “31-0? You kidding me? Belichick needs to coach and stop sticking his nose in the personnel decisions. Let your division rival end up with Bledsoe AND Milloy. Two hall of famers. Nice going.”
Oct. 16, 2003: “Williams, Matsui and Posada. Have to let Pedro pitch to these guys. Just have to. Embree’s a never-was and Timlin’s a has-been. Dance with one who brought ya.”
Nov. 30, 2003: “Colts about to punch it in here. Patriots about to pass the torch. Edgerrin James is automatic. And this is why you need a franchise quarterback like Manning.”
July 31, 2004: “Nomar traded. I am completely done with this team. Forever. I mean, who in name of all that is decent and holy are Orlando Cabrera and Doug Mientkiewicz? And I know I spelled that wrong and I told you I don’t care anymore.”
Oct. 16. 2004: “Got away with taking the Mrs. to see Friday Night Lights tonight. Made the right choice, apparently. 19-8. SMH. Way to wave the white flag. Done with ’em. I swear this time.”
Oct. 31, 2004: “21 straight wins? How about 21 first-quarter points for the Steelers. That was fun while it lasted. This Whataburger guy can’t be a rookie. He’s going to have our number for the next 15 years.”
Jan. 14, 2006: “Not gonna be close enough to win with an intentional safety this time, Bill. Why can’t we get players like Champ Bailey? Oh, that’s right, we had one. His name was Ty Law.”
March 22, 2006: “Vinatieri to the Colts? LOL. Kickers aren’t just a dime a dozen. Next guy will be a complete flop. You can bet on that.”
Oct. 16. 2007: “It’s over. Yes, Beckett and Schilling are next, but that would leave Dice-K for Game 7. And J.D. Drew isn’t even hitting his weight in this series. Useless.”
Feb. 3, 2008: (Nope, sorry, no way to censor even a imaginary tweet here and make it fit for a family publication.)
Nov. 4, 2009: “Yankees back on top. Colts and Steelers pretty much own the AFC. At least we have the Celtics. Of course, we also have Danny Ainge. Pass me another bottle of something.”
Moral of this story: Try not to lose your mind when the Jacksonville Jaguars hold serve at home in September, or when David Price does precisely what history tells us he’ll do in the playoffs in Game 2. Tighten up that hat, whatever color it is, and back away from the keyboard.
Oct. 8, 2018: “Today’s a new day. Best-of-three begins in the Bronx. Boston’s regular-season winning percentage precisely two-out-of-three. Like our chances.”
— Kalle Oakes spent 27 years with the Sun Journal sports staff. He is now sports editor of the Georgetown (Kentucky) News-Graphic. Keep in touch with him (where else?) on Twitter @oaksie72, or by email at kaloakes1972@yahoo.com.
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