DEAR ABBY: My husband has been talking about many married couples who take showers together. In fact, he claims that most couples do. Our relationship in the bedroom has been great so far, and I’d like to keep it there. I don’t want a twosome in the bathroom. Am I wrong to enjoy my privacy in the shower? — SQUEAKY CLEAN IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR SQUEAKY CLEAN: Many married couples take showers together, and many don’t. Among those who do, some find it arousing; others just enjoy the intimacy and having someone to scrub their backs.

If you feel your time in the shower is sacred alone time, you’re entitled to your feelings. If an encounter isn’t pleasurable for both parties involved, then it’s usually not particularly satisfying for either one.

DEAR ABBY: My younger sister, “Janet,” and I are very close. We live near each other and have many of the same friends. My problem is, Janet likes to share stories about our childhood, and our childhood was horrible. We were poor and homeless more than once. Both our parents were on drugs, and our father was abusive to our mother.

I have tried telling my sister that when she shares these stories, I not only find it humiliating, but also find myself reliving the awful experiences. Her response is to remind me that we’re not those kids anymore. She doesn’t think it’s anything to be ashamed of. Is she wrong to tell these horror stories that involve both of us, or do I need to stop trying to forget? — NOT LOOKING IN THE REARVIEW MIRROR

DEAR NOT LOOKING: Your sister is correct that your childhood is nothing you should be ashamed of. Both of you have managed to thrive in spite of the chaotic environment in which you were raised. However, for her to persist in raising a subject that you have told her is painful is insensitive — particularly if she’s doing it in your presence. You may have a shared history, but you clearly have different coping mechanisms, and she should respect yours.

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter was 14 months old, she had a serious accident while under my parents’ supervision. They were not negligent. What happened could have occurred if I had been there. I rushed to the hospital, where we stayed for five days and, thankfully, my daughter recovered.

I was shocked and hurt that my mother never once apologized. When I brought it up, she said it’s obvious she feels terribly guilty, that I know how devoted she is to my daughter and, therefore, an apology is ridiculous.

I know it wasn’t her “fault,” but I still feel the right thing to do in that situation would have been for her to say, “I’m sorry this happened. I wish I had been more observant.” Is this superfluous? Are my feelings reasonable? — EXPATRIATE NEW YORKER IN SAXONY, GERMANY

DEAR EXPAT: How old is your daughter now? How long have you hung onto your anger at your mother over this incident? You said there was no negligence on the part of your parents, and the accident could have occurred while your daughter was under your supervision. DO you know that your mother loves your daughter and feels terrible about what happened? If so, LET IT GO, ALREADY!

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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